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đ§ âĄResiliency in Rejection
What's on the other side of fear?
Resiliency in Rejection
Estimated reading âď¸ time - 8.5 minutes
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Big Scary Bears
Fear is a foundational emotion in the human experience, and without it, we likely wouldnât have survived long enough to become the apex predators that we are today (for now). But what happens when this intrinsic survival instinct doesnât serve its intended purpose? Keeping you alive from a big scary bear.
What happens when fear keeps you from asking the person you like on a date? What happens when fear keeps you from applying to your dream job or moving to your dream city? What happens when fear keeps you from speaking on a stage or sharing your knowledge with others who need to hear it?
What happens when fear no longer keeps you alive but is holding you back? Other than true (and hopefully few) survival instinct moments, Fearâs naturally intended purpose no longer belongs in our day-to-day lives. Itâs time to reframe your perspective on fear and build resiliency in rejection.
On the path to self-actualization, you must face and overcome fear. Otherwise, you will settle for less and never ask your future wife out on a date, settle for a decent job, retire comfortably in a city you know well, and live out your days in the slow hell of mediocrity.
Building the Skillset
If youâre like me, people have rejected you thousands of timesâit hurts pretty much every single time. Whether itâs your ego, pride, or something youâre proud of that wasnât externally acknowledged - it always hurts. But you can learn to lessen the sting and build confidence through this discomfort.
Overcoming the fear of rejection is PROACTIVELY welcoming rejection and smiling in the face of your insecurities.
I have been rejected by women, jobs, career paths, friends, family members, college football coaches, you name it⌠I now actively see rejection as a necessary evil and view progress toward my goals as a ânumbers game.â Let me explain.
For example, if I say hi to this fellow gym bro at the gym, what is the chance I make a new friend? (Letâs say I just moved to a new city and have no friends, so making friends with someone who values their health and fitness would be cool to do).
Letâs call it 33%. I have a one-in-three chance of making a new friend. That's cool with me. Thatâs actually a pretty high percentage. The reality is that two dudes are going to decline my friendship. Ouch, of course, that hurts. BUT gaining a new âgym broâ is totally worth that rejection.
This is a silly example, but it proves a broader point. If your goal is to find âyour personâ or âyour job,â - wouldnât you be okay with getting rejected by 99 other people or jobs for âthe oneâ? Thatâs a 1% chance of success - would it be worth it to you? You must experience rejection to truly appreciate when something does go right.
Gif by gymshark on Giphy
A Fun and Low-Risk Example
Does asking someone out on a date seem too risky or like you might die? Letâs try something a bit easier.
â Noah Kaganâs Coffee Challenge: Noah popularized this challenge over 10+ years ago, but it has resurfaced since he released his new book, Million Dollar Weekend.
The challenge is simple - you go to a coffee shop and ask for 10% off for no reason. (Stomach begins turning at the thought of this).
Reflection:
What are the chances this works?
Whatâs the absolute worst outcome?
Why should I be concerned about this strangerâs opinion of me?
Give it a try, and let me know how it goes. 10% off at Starbucks is a lot of moolah nowadays đ
Gif by Isthattomhearn on Giphy
Putting It Into Practice
You will get rejected in business, life, and relationships. Itâs not always your fault, but sometimes it is. You could have been the perfect person for the job, but it wasnât the right time. You could have been the best husband or wife for that person, but they werenât ready to settle down. You could have grown your real estate business, but 2008 happened. There are many reasons things donât work out, but you shouldnât let that scare you from pursuing your goals, aspirations, and dreams.
If something is your fault - you sucked at an interview, you ruined your relationship, you were unprepared at work, you fortunately have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and improve the next time an opportunity presents itself. Even more fortunately for you, you are now PROACTIVELY welcoming rejection and smiling in the face of your insecurities so MORE opportunities will be made available to you.
âYour willingness to look foolish is a small price to pay to get everything you ever wantedâ
The more you get rejected, the more resiliency you build, and donât forget the 999 âNOsâ might just be worth the 1 âYESâ. This humble confidence is a delightful superpower. With no fear of rejection - people canât hurt you. Donât let your failures or shortcomings keep you from pursuing a fulfilled, meaningful life. Reframe these shortcomings and adjust your strategy to serve the greater purpose of your goals. Remember, life is a ânumbers game,â and your approach to this game will forever sway your odds of winning.
-Your Chief of Getting Rejected Officer đ§ âĄ
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