Resiliency in Rejection

Estimated reading ⌛️ time - 8.5 minutes

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Big Scary Bears

Fear is a foundational emotion in the human experience, and without it, we likely wouldn’t have survived long enough to become the apex predators that we are today (for now). But what happens when this intrinsic survival instinct doesn’t serve its intended purpose? Keeping you alive from a big scary bear.

What happens when fear keeps you from asking the person you like on a date? What happens when fear keeps you from applying to your dream job or moving to your dream city? What happens when fear keeps you from speaking on a stage or sharing your knowledge with others who need to hear it?

What happens when fear no longer keeps you alive but is holding you back? Other than true (and hopefully few) survival instinct moments, Fear’s naturally intended purpose no longer belongs in our day-to-day lives. It’s time to reframe your perspective on fear and build resiliency in rejection.

On the path to self-actualization, you must face and overcome fear. Otherwise, you will settle for less and never ask your future wife out on a date, settle for a decent job, retire comfortably in a city you know well, and live out your days in the slow hell of mediocrity.

Building the Skillset

If you’re like me, people have rejected you thousands of times—it hurts pretty much every single time. Whether it’s your ego, pride, or something you’re proud of that wasn’t externally acknowledged - it always hurts. But you can learn to lessen the sting and build confidence through this discomfort.

Overcoming the fear of rejection is PROACTIVELY welcoming rejection and smiling in the face of your insecurities.

I have been rejected by women, jobs, career paths, friends, family members, college football coaches, you name it… I now actively see rejection as a necessary evil and view progress toward my goals as a “numbers game.” Let me explain.

For example, if I say hi to this fellow gym bro at the gym, what is the chance I make a new friend? (Let’s say I just moved to a new city and have no friends, so making friends with someone who values their health and fitness would be cool to do).

Let’s call it 33%. I have a one-in-three chance of making a new friend. That's cool with me. That’s actually a pretty high percentage. The reality is that two dudes are going to decline my friendship. Ouch, of course, that hurts. BUT gaining a new “gym bro” is totally worth that rejection.

This is a silly example, but it proves a broader point. If your goal is to find “your person” or “your job,” - wouldn’t you be okay with getting rejected by 99 other people or jobs for “the one”? That’s a 1% chance of success - would it be worth it to you? You must experience rejection to truly appreciate when something does go right.

A Fun and Low-Risk Example

Does asking someone out on a date seem too risky or like you might die? Let’s try something a bit easier.

☕ Noah Kagan’s Coffee Challenge: Noah popularized this challenge over 10+ years ago, but it has resurfaced since he released his new book, Million Dollar Weekend.

The challenge is simple - you go to a coffee shop and ask for 10% off for no reason. (Stomach begins turning at the thought of this).

Reflection:

• What are the chances this works?

• What’s the absolute worst outcome?

• Why should I be concerned about this stranger’s opinion of me?

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes. 10% off at Starbucks is a lot of moolah nowadays 🙂 

Putting It Into Practice

You will get rejected in business, life, and relationships. It’s not always your fault, but sometimes it is. You could have been the perfect person for the job, but it wasn’t the right time. You could have been the best husband or wife for that person, but they weren’t ready to settle down. You could have grown your real estate business, but 2008 happened. There are many reasons things don’t work out, but you shouldn’t let that scare you from pursuing your goals, aspirations, and dreams.

If something is your fault - you sucked at an interview, you ruined your relationship, you were unprepared at work, you fortunately have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and improve the next time an opportunity presents itself. Even more fortunately for you, you are now PROACTIVELY welcoming rejection and smiling in the face of your insecurities so MORE opportunities will be made available to you.

“Your willingness to look foolish is a small price to pay to get everything you ever wanted”

The more you get rejected, the more resiliency you build, and don’t forget the 999 “NOs” might just be worth the 1 “YES”. This humble confidence is a delightful superpower. With no fear of rejection - people can’t hurt you. Don’t let your failures or shortcomings keep you from pursuing a fulfilled, meaningful life. Reframe these shortcomings and adjust your strategy to serve the greater purpose of your goals. Remember, life is a “numbers game,” and your approach to this game will forever sway your odds of winning.

-Your Chief of Getting Rejected Officer 🧠⚡

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