Therapy: No Shame - Just Gain

Estimated reading ⌛️ time - 16 minutes

Hi Reframers!

I’m thrilled to be your inaugural guest feature, and this week, I’m diving into a topic that’s close to my heart: therapy.

You’ve probably seen the viral Elmo tweet. 

Yes, that Elmo—the friendly, nostalgia-inducing character from Sesame Street. In his tweet (or was it an “X”?), Elmo posed a simple question: “How are we doing as a society?”

The responses poured in, and they weren’t quite what Elmo—or the person behind his social media account—expected. Yet, it became a much-needed outlet for people to vent, share, and find solace. Even beyond the familiar Sesame Street setting, Elmo continues to bring people together and uplift their spirits.

Although Elmo isn’t a licensed therapist (I think he’s technically still a child), he certainly reflects the spirit of therapy: he’s friendly, cheerful, and most importantly - curious. Curiosity is the heartbeat of therapy—the drive to explore, understand, and connect.

Joining The “Club:” Embracing Therapy is the New Normal

The responses to Elmo’s tweet underscore the central message of this article: everyone—and I do mean, everyone—can benefit from therapy.

Gone are the days when therapy was solely reserved for extreme trauma or the need for intensive psychiatric intervention. Millennials have long been the media’s favorite punching bag (although Gen Z is now stepping into the spotlight), but amidst the critiques about our societal impact, there’s one undeniable achievement: Millennials have played a pivotal role in dismantling the stigma around mental health. We’ve talked openly about it, taken action, and made it okay to seek help.

While some still hesitate to spill their innermost thoughts to a stranger, a growing number of people proudly declare their membership in the therapy “club.” It’s a badge of honor—a sign that they’re actively investing in their well-being and encouraging others to do the same.

Attending therapy or having a therapist is no longer a sign that something is “wrong” with you. In fact, let’s reframe it: everyone has their own flaws and imperfections (except maybe Mr. Rogers or Keanu Reeves). Therapy isn’t about fixing what’s broken; it’s about growth, self-awareness, and becoming the best version of ourselves.

So, let’s embrace the journey. Therapy isn’t just for healing; it’s for thriving.

Therapy Tinder: Swiping Your Way to Mental WELLness

Finding a therapist is a lot like finding a life partner - in order to be successful, you need to be compatible, you need to trust each other, and you need to be honest with them and depend on them in hard times. Not unlike finding a life partner, you may need to try out a few different people before you find one who really fits.

Tips for making sure you and your therapist are a match:

• Shed Insecurities: As a client (I prefer this term over “patient,” which carries unnecessary stigma), don’t hesitate to switch providers if the vibe isn’t right. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being. Be courteous, of course, but don’t hesitate to stop seeing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable or whose values don’t align with yours.

• Research Your Prospects: While I’m not a fan of our internet-dominated lives, researching potential therapists can be invaluable. Read their bios and explore their special interests. Look for phrases that align with your values and preferred therapeutic approaches.

• Reflect on Patterns: Consider your experiences around therapy. Are you hesitant to be completely honest? Do you frequently disagree with your therapist? Do sessions leave you agitated or stressed? Do you feel like your therapist doesn’t really know you? If you answered yes, revisit point #1.

Remember, therapy isn’t just about healing; it’s about growth and self-awareness. Swipe right on the therapist who resonates with your soul.

Access to Therapy: Breaking Down Barriers

While therapy offers immense benefits to everyone, the unfortunate reality is that not everyone can afford it. However, there are a few options that may help make therapy a little more accessible:  

1. Doctoral/Master’s Students: Don’t underestimate the power of students! Students pursuing either their doctorate or master’s degree, under the supervision of licensed therapists, bring fresh perspectives. They’re immersed in their academic studies and can offer valuable insights. Plus, they charge less than licensed therapists! Remember, being “just” a student doesn’t diminish their qualifications.

2. Sliding Scale Rates: Some counseling centers adopt sliding scale rates. These rates adjust based on your income, ensuring that therapy remains within reach. It’s a step toward equitable access.

3. Out-of-Pocket or Package Pricing: Inquire about paying directly or exploring package deals. Sometimes, bypassing insurance can be more straightforward and provide you with a discounted rate that makes therapy within reach for you. Consider it a direct investment in your well-being.

4. Insurance Reimbursement: While insurance often won’t cover everything, it can help. Many insurance companies offer reimbursement for mental health services. Brace yourself for paperwork and back-and-forth, but the financial relief may be worth it.

Don’t treat therapy as a luxury—treat it as a necessity for your well-being.

Maximizing Your Therapy Experience: A User Manual

Therapy isn’t just a conversation; it’s a transformative journey. Here’s your guide to getting the most out of it:

1. Be Honest: Imagine going to the ER and withholding crucial information about your medications. Honesty is equally vital in therapy. Your therapist isn’t there to judge; they’re your ally. If nerves or shame hold you back, share those feelings. And if tears are threatening to you, explore why. Remember, therapy is for everyone—even those who hesitate to cry.

2. Explore Different Paths: Just as you’d explore different dating profiles, don’t hesitate to try different therapists. You’ve taken the first step; now give yourself the best chance for success. Finding the right fit is essential.

3. Be Flexible: Life is busy, and therapy shouldn’t add stress. If weekly sessions feel like too much, consider bi-weekly or monthly ones. If the timing of your sessions doesn’t work, adjust it to better suit your schedule. You may even consider online sessions, rather than in-person ones, as another way to improve your overall therapy experience. What works for others may not work for you; be honest with your therapist if you want to try something different.

4. Embrace Hard Truths: Therapy isn’t always comfortable. You’ll encounter truths that challenge you. Sit with them, accept them, and then take action. Your therapist’s insights are stepping stones to growth.

5. Use Curiosity to Fuel Progress: Like Elmo’s introspection, ask yourself, “How am I really doing?” But don’t stop there—dive deeper. Why is the magic word: Why am I responding this way? Why does that particular thing bother me so much? Why do I value X over Y? Why is it challenging for me to Z? Why have I developed this coping mechanism? Why am I reluctant to take that step? The list of “whys” should be pervasive and never-ending. Reflections aren’t reserved for New Year’s resolutions; they’re a daily practice. Embrace curiosity—it’s the compass guiding your growth.

Therapy Insights: Wisdom Worth Passing On

As they say, “Practice what you preach.” So, yes, I’m right there with you—I wouldn’t advocate for therapy if I weren’t actively engaged in it myself. BTW - So is our Chief Reframer - he goes to therapy weekly. Now, let’s dive into what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, and the insights that have shaped my path. Perhaps some of these takeaways will resonate with you or inspire your next steps.

Key Takeaways From My Therapy Journey:

• Healing isn't linear: It's a roller coaster, not a straight climb. There will be setbacks, but each step forward, big or small, counts.

• Boundaries are a form of compassion: Saying no to protect your energy isn't selfish; it allows you to show up fully for others when you can and creates healthier relationships for everyone involved.

• You are not responsible for the emotions of others: You can't control how others feel, only how you react. You can practice empathy without sacrificing your own well-being.

• Grief comes in waves: It's not a one-time event. Allow yourself to feel the pain when it arises, and embrace the ebb and flow of emotions.

• Don't be ashamed of past coping mechanisms: They were your tools for survival. Now, learn from them and embrace healthier strategies.

• Your brain tells stories: Be mindful of the narratives you create about others' actions and challenge them with facts and compassion. Seek understanding, not just interpretations. 

• Crying is healthy: Shedding tears isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a powerful release valve. When you cry, your body engages in a remarkable process: it resets your nervous system and allows you to process emotions.

• Mindfulness and breathing work: They're powerful tools for calming your mind and grounding your emotions. 

• Curiosity trumps judgment: Approach yourself and others with open-mindedness and seek understanding, not blame.

• Journaling is a powerful tool for processing thoughts, identifying patterns, and clarifying emotions.

• Your inner critic can be harsh but not true: Challenge its negativity with self-compassion and affirmations. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

• Repressing emotions leads to trouble: Bottling them up can create emotional explosions later. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions healthily.

• Childhood shapes adulthood: Explore your past to understand your present. Understanding your family dynamics can shed light on your behaviors and patterns and improve your self-awareness.

• Behaviors reflect needs: Look beyond the action and ask, "What need is this behavior trying to fulfill?" This can help you find healthier ways to meet those needs.

• You are more than your thoughts and emotions: They are temporary states, not your core identity. Observe and accept them without judgment. (And maybe check out this poem by Jalaluddin Rumi).

Bonus Resources: Nurturing Your Mental Well-Being

If you’re on a journey of self-improvement through social media (and I assume you are, given your subscription to this newsletter), explore these accounts for further insights:

1. Kier Ganes: A licensed therapist who shares down-to-earth, relatable tips and practical advice for everyday life. His videos feel like having a brilliant friend as your life coach, subtly guiding you toward growth.

2. Liz Listens: This licensed therapist focuses on conflict resolution and relationships. Her infographics provide clear examples that resonate with everyone’s experiences.

3. Nedra Tawwab: A licensed therapist and bestselling author, Nedra offers wisdom for reflecting on relationships and life. Her calming videos and affirming infographics create a soothing space for self-discovery.

4. The Holistic Psychologist: With a clinical schooling background, this holistic psychologist delves into family dynamics, core beliefs, and dysfunctional patterns. Her Instagram posts dissect common challenges, explaining their origins and offering steps for transformation.

5. Nurse Hadley: Not a therapist, but a hospice nurse and bestselling author. Her unique insights on grief resonate with anyone who has lost a loved one or supports someone going through it. Her positive mindset uplifts whenever she appears on your feed.

6. Katy Robin Bird: Although not a therapist, Katy’s conversations with her children reveal compassion, resilience, and impressive self-awareness. Each interaction is a bite-sized lesson, reminding us how adults should approach life.

To Conclude…

As I conclude this newsletter, I encourage you to take these insights and weave them into your life’s fabric. In the words of Mr. Rogers, another beloved TV and cultural icon, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” 

Growth is a continuous, personal adventure, and you do not have to take it on alone.

Until next time - Taylor, Guest Reframer 🧘‍♀️

I’d love to hear from you! If you want to talk more about therapy (or how I’ve applied what I’ve learned in therapy to my career as an educator), reach out to me over email or Instagram, anytime.

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